Episode 62
My Kid’s Being Rude and Office Furniture Fu*kery
My oldest turns 10 this week, which is rude and kind of bullshit, and I will accept no part of it. She did not ask my permission.
Hi, I'm Lauren Howard. Some people call me L2. You can too if you want. This is my podcast "Different, Not Broken" which is about exactly that.
In this episode, I take you back to exactly 10 years ago — the Thursday night when a weird feeling turned into a labor story I was absolutely not ready for, including the shower incident. (You’ll know when you get there.)
Then we get into what I’m calling Furniture Fuckery: the story of why my home office carpet smelled like funky ass dog for a decade, how it took me 10 years to buy a desk I first saw when we bought this house, and how Manny — a furniture store salesperson on his very first day — accidentally became the emotional highlight of my weekend.
Alison joins for this week’s Small Talk to answer Kevin from Rhode Island, who is already spiraling about his upcoming high school reunion. We talk comparison culture, social media highlight reels, and why nobody — and I mean nobody — has their shit together. Not even the people who look like they do.
I have lots of excellent things available for you to buy in my Stan Store so you should probably go do that at https://stan.store/elletwo
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Transcript
There was picking the carpet, which to me, it was like,
Speaker:here's a swatch of carpet. Do you like it? Yes. Get that one. That is
Speaker:not how my husband's brain works. You cannot
Speaker:judge your success by anybody else's. And anybody
Speaker:who wants to judge yours by theirs
Speaker:can get bent and get
Speaker:bent hard. I said to my husband, I'm gonna buy a new desk. And he
Speaker:was like, I'm not letting you put a new desk in that office until that
Speaker:carpet's out of there. And I was like, I'm not letting you put a new
Speaker:desk in this office until that carpet's out of. Don't tell me what to do.
Speaker:He was kind of right. It did smell like funky ass dog in here.
Speaker:Boop. Hi, everybody. I'm Lauren Howard.
Speaker:Welcome to Different Not Broken, which is our
Speaker:podcast on exactly that. That there are a lot of people in this world walking
Speaker:around feeling broken, and the reality is you're just different, and that's fine.
Speaker:You should know that I am officially the mother of a
Speaker:10 year old, which is rude
Speaker:and kind of bullshit because nobody told her that she was
Speaker:allowed to do that. I certainly did not. She did not ask my
Speaker:permission. People keep telling me that I need to stop feeding her if I
Speaker:want her to stop growing, but they whine a lot when you don't feed them.
Speaker:They, like, constantly ask for food, and so
Speaker:that's not an option. She's also in the middle of a growth spurt, and she's
Speaker:eating 10 times what I do. It's
Speaker:a little scary to watch in that it's also fascinating and
Speaker:amazing to watch. So 10 years ago, yesterday
Speaker:night, I was finally getting around
Speaker:and by finally, three days after the fact, getting around to unpacking
Speaker:all of the swag from our baby shower, which my mom
Speaker:had booked or scheduled for when I was 34 weeks
Speaker:pregnant. And me being pregnant for the first time
Speaker:and not understanding how things work
Speaker:said, I don't know, that seems really early. She was like, no, I don't think
Speaker:it's early. And I was like, I don't know, it feels pretty early. And she
Speaker:was like, I don't think it's early. I was like, okay. And so
Speaker:we had a lovely baby shower on a Saturday.
Speaker:And the following Thursday, I was
Speaker:organizing things and doing the very,
Speaker:very beginnings of what I believe now was nesting that I
Speaker:didn't get to do much of, and touching all the
Speaker:things and looking at all the tiny clothes and going to pee every
Speaker:45 seconds because she was, like, elbowing my bladder
Speaker:Constantly. And feeling like
Speaker:you're at the point where you're like, this is enough. I don't need to do
Speaker:this any longer. She's probably fine, right? And no, don't do
Speaker:that. You should not have a baby at 34 weeks. But that was how I
Speaker:felt at the time. I can't say this too much because I was only ever
Speaker:pregnant for seven months. But you do get to seven months and you're like, this
Speaker:is enough time. Isn't she cooked? And so
Speaker:I had been feeling weird all day. And again,
Speaker:never been pregnant before. Don't know what versions of weird I should be looking out
Speaker:for. And me feeling weird just makes it a Thursday.
Speaker:Had been with my dad all day. My dad was pretty sick at the time
Speaker:and just had these weird feelings, this weird feeling of
Speaker:pressure. Constantly unloaded all the stuff. Looked at him, went, wow, we have
Speaker:such lovely friends and family. I can't wait for six weeks from now when we
Speaker:get to use all this stuff.
Speaker:And said to my husband, you know what? I'm gonna go lay down because I'm
Speaker:white. I feel weird. Everything's weird. I'm wiped.
Speaker:I'm going to go lay down. And went and laid down. Fell asleep pretty quickly.
Speaker:Woke up at like 2 o' clock in the morning because I had to go
Speaker:to the bathroom really bad. Went to the bathroom
Speaker:and felt this discernible pop
Speaker:and went, oh, shit. Called for. My
Speaker:husband said, I think my water just broke.
Speaker:To which he said, what? No, it didn't. And I was like, I don't know
Speaker:that it didn't, but I also don't know that it did. I don't know.
Speaker:I just. I think my water just broke. And I think I need to go
Speaker:to the hospital. To which he said, okay, give me five minutes to shower.
Speaker:And got in the shower while I was standing there with my water
Speaker:broken, I think. I didn't know. I didn't know. We didn't know
Speaker:what was happening. I had never been pregnant before. This was all brand new. He
Speaker:did take a shower. And I tried to drive myself to the hospital because I
Speaker:was so fucking mad at him. I was so mad at him that he
Speaker:decided that was the time to take a shower. He was like, what was I
Speaker:supposed to do? I can't go there dirty. You can't go What? What?
Speaker:You can't what? So I tried to drive myself. I could not. I called
Speaker:him from my car and said, you need to get out here right now because
Speaker:I can't drive. It hurts too much. And he was like, I was coming the
Speaker:whole time. And I was like, none of you were in the fucking shower
Speaker:anyway. Get to the hospital. They were like,
Speaker:oh, well, July 1st is a fun day to have a baby. And I was
Speaker:like, nope, this is six. We're supposed to be six weeks from now. We're not
Speaker:doing this. And they were like, no, this baby's coming. And I was like, no,
Speaker:it's not. You're so silly. No, it's not. And they were like, yes, this baby's
Speaker:coming. And I was like, no. I said no. 12 hours later,
Speaker:after 12 hours of labor but 23 minutes of active
Speaker:pushing, they handed me a baby. And like her mother, she didn't like to
Speaker:wait. And she was born six weeks early, but exactly on time.
Speaker:And she has become the funniest, silliest, smartest,
Speaker:tallest. This child came up to me and put her head on my shoulder last
Speaker:week. No. Hard no. Not allowed.
Speaker:She's so quick witted. She's got a better pun game than any adult
Speaker:I have ever met by a margin of a lot. She blows me away with
Speaker:the things that her brain is able to keep up with. She really likes Settlers
Speaker:of Catan. She's a big fan of Catan. She
Speaker:loves Lord of the Rings. Loves Lord of the Rings. Just
Speaker:raising a proper nerd and it feels good. She
Speaker:is the light of my life, except for her sister, who is also another light
Speaker:of my life. But it's a different light. It's a different light. She is
Speaker:like a happy, sunshiny, bright light. And
Speaker:my second child is like a black light who exposes all of your deep
Speaker:flaws and everything gross on the carpet. That
Speaker:is their completely opposite vibes. Neither is a complaint. They're both
Speaker:perfect. Being a mom is the best thing I've ever done. It's also the hardest
Speaker:thing I've ever done. It took us four years to get pregnant. It has taken
Speaker:me a really long time to figure out how to be the mom I want
Speaker:to be and how to care about the right things
Speaker:and how to get out of the what should be
Speaker:happening and what's supposed to happen and look at what
Speaker:actually is happening and what is right for our family and our kids. And that
Speaker:has been a long time struggle. But man, these
Speaker:kids make me laugh every day. They make me
Speaker:better every day. They make me more compassionate every day.
Speaker:They test my limits every day. They both have
Speaker:identified limits I didn't know I had and also showed me the
Speaker:unending lengths I will go to. And
Speaker:I can actually say that I have been
Speaker:responsible for the health and welfare of another human for 10
Speaker:years and I have not irreparably fucked it up yet.
Speaker:That's something to be proud of. So happy birthday to my
Speaker:oldest baby who has somehow been around for a decade,
Speaker:which cannot be possible because she is just an
Speaker:itty bitty tiny widow baby who fits in my
Speaker:pocket and came into this world
Speaker:six weeks early at 5 pounds 11 ounces and
Speaker:19 inches long, which is almost a normal birth weight
Speaker:and as long as most full term babies.
Speaker:And she has stayed that tall ever since.
Speaker:And I want to reinforce that is rude.
Speaker:I did get a fancy new desk. It's all shiny and
Speaker:lacquer y and looks all professional and
Speaker:stuff. And I rearranged my office with my new desk.
Speaker:We've had builder grade carpet in this room since we bought the
Speaker:house. We just took their cheap carpet and we planned to replace it at some
Speaker:point. And at some point apparently was 10 years later. In
Speaker:the process of those 10 years we have had a number of
Speaker:puppies including more than one househorse.
Speaker:And the fact that the carpet had any structural
Speaker:integrity left that it hadn't become just dust that we were all
Speaker:breathing in is actually pretty impressive. And a lot to say about builder grade
Speaker:carpet because this stuff was here for a long time and had been through a
Speaker:thing or two. The number of times that it got steam
Speaker:cleaned in a short period of time due to
Speaker:a puppy. Because I don't care what kind of flooring is in my office. My
Speaker:dogs are coming in my office. I don't want to have an office
Speaker:if my dogs aren't allowed it. I have this office so I
Speaker:can give my dogs a better life. I've thought about getting a new desk for
Speaker:a while and then my setup in my office has been
Speaker:imperfect for quite a while for a lot of reasons. But I will just like
Speaker:make do with things for so fricking long. For so long. I
Speaker:will use a broken ass desk for years. And I did one of the
Speaker:desks that I used up until I got basically a makeshift standing
Speaker:desk that I used for a couple years. Literally had a hole in the side
Speaker:cause two of our dogs got in a flight fight and knocked
Speaker:my kids art easel into it and it
Speaker:knocked a hole into the side because very clearly it was
Speaker:super expensive hardwood, also known as
Speaker:reinforced cardboard from Ikea. But it had a hole in
Speaker:the side and at one point I was like I should just get some contact
Speaker:paper and put it down the side of it so it looks like it's Like
Speaker:a fancy design. My husband's like, you're not putting contact
Speaker:paper on the desk to cover the fact that it has a hole in it.
Speaker:You can get a new desk. And I was like, I don't think I need
Speaker:to. It's probably fine. It's fine. I've been making do with
Speaker:stuff for a very long time. But for a number of reasons, we got to
Speaker:a point where it was like, maybe I should actually, like, make my office look
Speaker:pretty because I have my stupid face on camera
Speaker:a lot and we should have a cool background behind us or something. I
Speaker:said to my husband, I'm going to buy a new desk. And he was like,
Speaker:I'm not letting you put a new desk in that office until that carpet is
Speaker:out of there. And I was like, I'm not letting you put a new desk
Speaker:in this office until that carpet's out. Don't tell me what to do. But
Speaker:he was kind of right. It did smell like funky ass dog in here.
Speaker:And like many iterations of Funky ass Dog. Getting the carpet
Speaker:situated was a long process. There was, like, agreeing that we
Speaker:were going to do the carpet, then there was figuring out where we were going
Speaker:to get the carpet from, and then there was
Speaker:picking the carpet when. Which to me it was like, here's a swatch of carpet.
Speaker:Do you like it? Yes. Get that one. That is not how my husband's brain
Speaker:works. My husband has a look at every single sample of
Speaker:carpet and snuggle with it and test it with the pad
Speaker:underneath it and see what colors it comes in and test
Speaker:the colors in different lighting. And what do you think of wood
Speaker:floors? And we could do wood floors, but it would take us
Speaker:a long time to find somebody who can install the wood floors. Oh, and it
Speaker:would go up against the tile floor that looks like wood. And then. And so
Speaker:we'd have to probably match it somehow. And I was finally just like, just put
Speaker:carpet in. I don't care. Just put carpet in. I don't care. It's not that
Speaker:expensive. If dogs pee on it, I will replace it. Just put carpet in.
Speaker:So we finally picked the carpet. It was like literally a two month process
Speaker:of going to Home Depot and then Lowe's and then Home Depot and then
Speaker:Lowe's and then a carpet store and then a different carpet store and then a
Speaker:wholesale carpet store and then back to Home Depot and then back to Lowe's. So
Speaker:we finally picked the carpet, and in the process, my husband decided, well, if we're
Speaker:going to do carpet in your office, we might as well, do all the areas
Speaker:that need carpet, because all of the builder carpet in our house needs to go.
Speaker:So he decides he's going to do the carpet in the kids rooms and then
Speaker:the carpet on the stairs, which, if given my dressers, I would get rid of
Speaker:the carpet altogether. But the cost difference and the skill difference
Speaker:in installing carpet versus tile
Speaker:or wood is like, night and day. And I also just didn't want to spend
Speaker:that much money. So we're trying to figure it out, and he's going
Speaker:back and forth trying to figure out what carpet to put upstairs, what carpet to
Speaker:put on the stairs, and he's getting quotes, and he's like,
Speaker:I think it's going to be this much to do your office. And I was
Speaker:like, well, it's more than I wanted to spend, but okay. He's like, and it's
Speaker:going to be this much to do the girls rooms, and it's going to be
Speaker:this much to do the stairs. And I was like, yeah, okay, all right.
Speaker:It's like, I don't think I realized that we were turning it into a project
Speaker:of that level, but if that's what we need to do, okay, that's what we
Speaker:need to do. And then he was like, well, if you don't want to spend
Speaker:that much money, we can try to figure out how to do it a different
Speaker:way. And I'm like, well, yeah, let me know what other ways there are. And
Speaker:he comes back and he's like, all right, so if we just do the girls
Speaker:room and the stairs. And I was like, what? No,
Speaker:that is not. You just removed the whole point
Speaker:of why we were doing the carpet. And he's like, but the girls room and
Speaker:stairs need to be done. And I'm like, but they did need to be done
Speaker:last week. So he's like, I'll put your office back on. I'm like,
Speaker:yes. I just think he, like, got so, like, mentally
Speaker:invested in the cost and the getting the project done that he,
Speaker:like, forgot the big goal, which is, I'm still going to harass you about the
Speaker:desk. We don't wake up one morning and go, like, no, new desk. That's not
Speaker:how my hyper fixations work, bro. That's not? No. So
Speaker:anyway, so we finally get the carpet in, and I'm
Speaker:looking everywhere for a desk. And again, I'm the person that he would, like, bring
Speaker:50 swatches to. I'd be like, which carpet do you want? And I'd be like,
Speaker:they're all great. I don't care. They're lovely. Get all of them. They're
Speaker:perfect. But then when it came to buying a desk, the way
Speaker:that I looked at every desk on the planet, the way
Speaker:that I hated something about every single desk, I saw the way that I went
Speaker:back and forth between standing desk, regular desk,
Speaker:giant desk, smaller desk, bigger l desk. Does
Speaker:it need drawers? Should it not? There are lots of places in this
Speaker:world that sell desks, and you would think
Speaker:that there are none, the way I was acting about picking this desk.
Speaker:And he would say, did you buy a desk yet? And I would say, no.
Speaker:And he'd say, why not? I'd say, because I can't find one that I like.
Speaker:He'd be like, there are literally websites that have tens of thousands of desks
Speaker:on them. And I was like, yeah, but no good ones. The things that I
Speaker:am particular about, desks and bedsheets, other than that, I could not give
Speaker:shit desks, bed sheets, and fountain Coke. Other than
Speaker:that, like, I have zero preferences about anything. You want to buy
Speaker:a new house? Sure, go do it. You want to buy cheap sheets from
Speaker:Walmart? Gross. Don't do that. That's awful. Bad idea. So finally I stumbled
Speaker:back on to this desk that I had literally looked at 10 years
Speaker:ago. There's this Italian designer who
Speaker:makes executive desks that are
Speaker:very fancy looking but not like insanely
Speaker:expensive. And I kept looking at this one at a furniture store
Speaker:online, not that far from us going, I feel like I've seen this
Speaker:before. Why do I feel like I've seen this before? And finally I got back
Speaker:to the website of the actual manufacturer and I was like, this is the
Speaker:set that I looked at when we bought this house. And I
Speaker:chickened out and didn't buy it then because it was just too expensive. We bought
Speaker:this house 10 years ago. One, my tastes haven't changed much.
Speaker:Two, apparently they don't update their inventory very often. Which
Speaker:worked out fine for me. Not a complaint. So we went and we saw it
Speaker:at a furniture store that's near us. And I still didn't buy it. It was
Speaker:like a little bit more expensive than I wanted to spend.
Speaker:And they had two of the versions, but not the third version. And
Speaker:so my husband keeps going, you need a desk, just buy a desk. And I'm
Speaker:like, it's not right. It's not the right desk. It's not right. And he's, those
Speaker:are the desks that you wanted the whole time. They're the right desk. I'm like,
Speaker:no, something's not right. Nope. Because crazy person, really.
Speaker:That's really what it is. And so I'm still looking,
Speaker:and finally, I'm like, I think I'm just gonna get one of them.
Speaker:But there's, like, a third model. There's two models that
Speaker:they've had forever, and then there's a third one, and the third one I had
Speaker:never seen in person. And for some reason, it. It occurred
Speaker:to me that this furniture store that is really big in South Florida
Speaker:had opened up a new showroom up here
Speaker:closer to us. It's, like, 45 minutes away from us, and I had never been
Speaker:there. And so I went on the website, and they had the desks, and so
Speaker:I was like, okay. And so, thankfully, I
Speaker:have a ride or die husband who is literally down to ride
Speaker:wherever, because I randomly that
Speaker:Saturday was like, do you want to drive me over to Altamont and
Speaker:I can look at this desk? And he was like, all right, whatever. Let's
Speaker:go. He'll go anywhere. He doesn't care. And so we
Speaker:drive over there. We took his mom with us because she was also looking for
Speaker:a table. And we walk into this showroom
Speaker:that, I swear to God, was filled with the
Speaker:furniture from the model home that
Speaker:we bought of our home. Like, it was the exact same stuff. And Again, this
Speaker:was 10 years ago. The reason our house is so well
Speaker:decorated now is because we took pictures of
Speaker:every corner of the model and bought every scrap of
Speaker:furniture we could find. I, to this day, have that
Speaker:model home imprinted in my memory. This very nice man walks up to me, and
Speaker:he says, I'm Manny. I can help you with anything you need today. And I
Speaker:am like, I hate being approached by salespeople when I walk into places. So I
Speaker:was like, thanks, Manny. I'm good. I'm just gonna go wander. And of course, like,
Speaker:every time you turn around a little bit, he's like, behind you, like a
Speaker:ghost you can't get rid of. And so I would go to look at a
Speaker:bedroom set and then look in the mirror on the dresser, and in the back
Speaker:corner of the mirror, you would see, like, Manny hanging out in the corner. I
Speaker:was like, okay, I've got a tail. It's fine. He was unobtrusive.
Speaker:He didn't ask anything. He stayed out of my way. But he was definitely following
Speaker:me around the store. Like, do you have a question? Can I answer your own
Speaker:question? So. So finally, I find the section with the desks, which is, of course,
Speaker:the last section. Like, the whole. I've been through the whole store. The
Speaker:last corner that I get to, of course, I'm gonna stop in the last place
Speaker:that had the stuff I'm looking for. But this was the last possible place in
Speaker:the store it could be in. It's the exact opposite of where it started.
Speaker:And I see the desk, and I was like, oh, my God, I love it.
Speaker:And it was the one I had never seen before. It was. I just. I
Speaker:looked at it. It was huge. I like a big desk. It had
Speaker:the grommets. It just had all the things I wanted in it. And
Speaker:I was like, I also want the credenza. I feel like I am a
Speaker:fancy lady who deserves the two
Speaker:stack drawers. I should have file cabinet. I'm just. I'm a fancy lady
Speaker:of business, and I should have drawers. So
Speaker:I said to my husband, I love the desk. I love the credenza. He was
Speaker:like, all right, you want to get it? And I was like, I'm not sure.
Speaker:Seriously looks me in the face. And he's like, what the fuck?
Speaker:And I was like, we just. We have. I could make what I have work.
Speaker:I don't need to spend a bunch of money. And he looks at me, and
Speaker:he's like, by the fucking desk.
Speaker:We drove all the way out here by
Speaker:the fucking desk. I was like.
Speaker:And meanwhile, there were some things he saw that he liked. A thing that his
Speaker:mother. His mom saw that she liked. And
Speaker:we're looking at all of it like, oh, okay, we're good at this. Meanwhile, the
Speaker:whole time, my children are terrorizing the store. They're sitting on all the
Speaker:couches. They're spinning on all the chairs. They're touching all the recliner buttons. And Manny
Speaker:is here for all of it. Manny's like, did you try this one? This one
Speaker:spins really well. You should try this one. And you could tell he was trying
Speaker:to not, like, spin them too hard because he didn't want them to puke in
Speaker:the showroom, which is good thinking. Manny, you are a man with children. I can
Speaker:tell. But he was just, like, totally tolerant of the fact that my children were
Speaker:being my children and were very excited about all of the furniture or sitting
Speaker:on all of the furniture. I look at my husband. My husband is
Speaker:like, you want the desk? Buy the desk. So I was
Speaker:like, fine. So I look at Manny and I say, I'll take
Speaker:it. And he goes, you want to buy it? And I
Speaker:said, yeah. And I said, I also. And he goes, okay, okay. And he
Speaker:gets kind of very fleeting look on his face. But then it went
Speaker:away. And then I said, but I also want the credenza to
Speaker:you. And he goes, oh, Bo. And I said, yeah. And
Speaker:again, very fleeting look. And then it's gone. And he said, okay, let's go back
Speaker:to where we put in the order. I can walk you through all that. And
Speaker:so I walk behind him, and I just want to point out that I am
Speaker:an extremely perceptive person. I have excellent
Speaker:perception of the people around me. And I
Speaker:definitely noticed, and definitely didn't only realize
Speaker:later that as he was walking back with me
Speaker:to the place where you put in the order, that
Speaker:everybody was patting him on the back and high fiving. I totally noticed
Speaker:that. I totally did not just ignore the fact that was happening
Speaker:around, except I did. I did. And then I got there and I sat
Speaker:down because they have, like, the little desk, and it's got the screen where you
Speaker:can see what they're doing. He's standing there, and I'm sitting. And so I kind
Speaker:of looked at him like, what are we doing? You gonna do it? And he,
Speaker:very sheepishly and adorably, in a way that I will
Speaker:never forget, looks at me and says, it's my first day, and I don't know
Speaker:how to process a sale yet, so my manager's gonna come do it. And I
Speaker:was like, it's your first day? And he goes,
Speaker:yeah. I was like, is this your first sale? And he
Speaker:goes, yeah. And I was like, I'm gonna buy the whole damn
Speaker:store. I went from being unwilling to spend any
Speaker:number of dollars to being like, wrap it all up. Bring it to me.
Speaker:I got credit cards. Let's go. Swipe, swipe.
Speaker:Because I was gonna buy this desk online. They had it online.
Speaker:I could have it delivered the same way. But if you buy it online, nobody
Speaker:gets a commission on. Just goes to benefit the store. It doesn't go to
Speaker:benefit anybody else. And so I would have gotten the same desk.
Speaker:It would have been delivered to my house. I. I probably would have bought the
Speaker:same thing. But for some reason, that day, after 10 years.
Speaker:10 years of looking at this desk, that day we decided to
Speaker:go get it. That day, my husband decided to put his foot down and say,
Speaker:stop wasting my fucking time and buy a desk. Which is fair.
Speaker:And that day happened to be Manny's very first day,
Speaker:where he got his very first sale and got
Speaker:to take home some money. Maybe not exactly that day. I would imagine that comes
Speaker:on a paycheck later, but still for a job that, like, maybe he
Speaker:wasn't sure he was any good at and he was good at it, and he
Speaker:didn't bother me. He was a little
Speaker:unobtrusive lurker rather than being
Speaker:all up in my business. And for that reason, we buy furniture.
Speaker:So anyway, we have since gone back, and they had really good floor
Speaker:models on sale. And we almost sold this house.
Speaker:Gosh, I think it was three years ago now. It was when the market was
Speaker:super crazy and when you could sell a house in a day.
Speaker:And we just decided again. It took me 10 years
Speaker:to buy a desk. 10 years. It took me 5 years to buy the nightstands
Speaker:that are in my bedroom right now. We had a mattress on a floor
Speaker:for the first four years we lived here, because picking
Speaker:those things was too hard. But on Easter
Speaker:Sunday three years ago, my husband looked at me and was like, do you
Speaker:want to sell this house? And I was like, sure. And that was the extent
Speaker:of the conversation that we had. And we were under contract. Two weeks later,
Speaker:there was no further conversation about it. So the things that we get stuck on
Speaker:and the things that we are just, like, all in for,
Speaker:very disparate experiences. But the sale
Speaker:fell through on. I think it was, like, four days before
Speaker:closing. We didn't end up closing, but in the process, we had packed up all
Speaker:of our stuff. We had sold a bunch of our furniture. We had given away
Speaker:stuff that needed to be given away. And we still, three years later,
Speaker:shockingly, are trying to replace some of it. And so while we were there,
Speaker:they had a bunch of floor models. And I looked at Manny, and I was
Speaker:like, do you get commission on floor models? And he goes,
Speaker:yeah. And I was like, bet. And we just walked around, and we're like, we'll
Speaker:take that table. We'll take that table. We'll take that table. So we have a
Speaker:dining room table again, which we have not had a dining room table for three
Speaker:years. And it was super cheap. Not super cheap, but it was inexpensive,
Speaker:and it looks fancy. It's not like cheap furniture. And
Speaker:there were these end tables that they had at the
Speaker:model home that we literally bought and then
Speaker:built a replica of when we were building our house. And we
Speaker:were never able to find them, which wasn't a huge catastrophe for me,
Speaker:because they're glass, and I don't like glass because it's hard to keep clean. But
Speaker:my husband really liked them. He really wanted them. And no matter where we looked,
Speaker:we couldn't find them. They had them on sale there, and they were $95.
Speaker:And when we looked 10 years ago, the closest I think we could find
Speaker:were like $1,000 a piece. And I was like, I'm not spending $1,000 a piece
Speaker:for a table that we're not going to use. That's not going to happen. But
Speaker:$95, I can swing. So we now have the end tables that he
Speaker:wasn't able to find for 10 years. And I have the desk
Speaker:that I've been looking at for 10 years. And we have a dining room
Speaker:table that we got very inexpensively because it was
Speaker:the floor model that we didn't know we needed.
Speaker:We did know we needed. Cause we didn't have a dining room table, but we
Speaker:didn't know we were shopping for. And Manny got a cut of all of it
Speaker:on his first day. Look at that.
Speaker:Very fancy. So anyway, sometimes you wake up in the
Speaker:morning and decide that today's the day. Or your husband decides for you
Speaker:that today's the day, that you're gonna buy this thing that you've been
Speaker:looking at for a decade. And as a result, you get to make somebody else's
Speaker:day. And then you don't feel guilty about it, because I might have spent
Speaker:money on myself, which I don't like doing. But in the process,
Speaker:that guy got to prove that he's good at his new job. And I'm down
Speaker:with that. And now we'll go to Alison,
Speaker:who has this week's small talk. We have a small talk
Speaker:question from Kevin in Rhode Island. My high school reunion
Speaker:is coming up, and I'm already in a spiral about it. Not because
Speaker:anything is wrong with my life. By most accounts, it's genuinely fine.
Speaker:Good job, Nice apartment, people. I love. When I scroll through what everyone else
Speaker:is posting. It all looks so assembled,
Speaker:purposeful, like everyone else received a manual. I know
Speaker:social media is a highlight reel. I know the manual doesn't exist,
Speaker:but the reunion is in person, which means I'll have to answer. So what are
Speaker:you up to? About 40 times. And somehow not feel
Speaker:like the only one still figuring it out. How did you hold
Speaker:your own without either performing contentment or
Speaker:catastrophizing? Catastrophizing. That one. So
Speaker:there are a couple of questions, and there's a question that you didn't
Speaker:actually ask. That is the question I want to address first.
Speaker:The response that you didn't ask for is that it is
Speaker:possible that everybody in your graduating
Speaker:class appears to have their shit together. I can
Speaker:guarantee you without hesitation
Speaker:that not a single one of them does. I know so
Speaker:many highly successful people, incredibly
Speaker:successful people, people with great jobs who are Kind,
Speaker:compassionate, great families doing their best every
Speaker:day, doing really good work every day, who are hot
Speaker:messes behind the scenes. And it's
Speaker:everybody. There is nobody who has it figured out.
Speaker:Nobody has it figured out. There's nothing to figure out.
Speaker:There's no roadmap, there's no guidebook, there's no way
Speaker:you're supposed to be doing this stuff. Nobody gives you a manual.
Speaker:You remember like years and years and years ago when we used to buy big
Speaker:screen TVs, they would come with the 500 page manual
Speaker:how to operate the television. And then if you go have a kid, they're like,
Speaker:here. They give you nothing. You're lucky if you get a pat
Speaker:on the back and a pack of diapers. Nobody
Speaker:gives you a manual on how to do
Speaker:adult life, right? There's no one
Speaker:set of anything that means you're successful. Are you
Speaker:happy? Are you making progress in
Speaker:anything? It could be a freaking video game. Are you making
Speaker:progress in a video game? Are you learning things that you
Speaker:enjoy learning? Are you living a life that
Speaker:you like to live? And if not, are you working toward the better
Speaker:version of that life in any way whatsoever?
Speaker:Cool. You're doing life and you're doing life
Speaker:right. Social media is lies. And I say
Speaker:this as a person who posts my whole life on social media
Speaker:and everything I say is true. And it's
Speaker:still maybe 20% of the story. On a day that I
Speaker:am very open and public about things, maybe 20% of the story.
Speaker:You cannot judge your success by
Speaker:anybody else's. And anybody who
Speaker:wants to judge yours by theirs
Speaker:can get bent and get
Speaker:bent hard. I've never had a high school reunion. I don't think we actually have
Speaker:high school reunions. But if you asked me if I wanted to go to my
Speaker:high school reunion, I would be like, nah, bro, I'm good. I don't have any
Speaker:desire to see people that I haven't seen for 20 years. And I say that
Speaker:as the person who's gonna be a more success, not a more successful, but a
Speaker:successful person in that room. I am not concerned about walking into that room to
Speaker:talk about my job, to talk about my family. There's nothing
Speaker:in my life that I'm not happy to share with all those people, except for
Speaker:the fact that I don't wanna share shit with all those people. That was 20
Speaker:years ago. If I wanted to talk to them, I would talk to
Speaker:them. I don't want to. So
Speaker:if you want to go to your high school reunion, great, you can go get
Speaker:Some probably bad cater waiter
Speaker:food and maybe see your old high
Speaker:school gym or a ballroom at some
Speaker:random Ramada near where your high school was. I don't know. I. I
Speaker:don't know how those things work. I've never been to one. The only high school
Speaker:reunion I've been to was Romy and Michelle's. That's it. There is nothing you
Speaker:have to perform at that place to be accepted by
Speaker:people whose opinion has never mattered but certainly hasn't mattered
Speaker:in a number of years so large that you would
Speaker:celebrate it. They don't have reunions for your
Speaker:third year out of high school. You have to get to like 10
Speaker:and 20. And guess what? Things that happened 20 years ago aren't
Speaker:relevant to your life anymore. You're doing a new thing
Speaker:now. My. My suggestion is don't go. Which might not be the right
Speaker:suggestion. That might absolutely 100% be the wrong suggestion as
Speaker:100% me projecting on you. So don't necessarily take that as
Speaker:the solution or the answer. But beyond
Speaker:that, there is nothing that you have to prove to
Speaker:anybody in that room. There is no finish line. You are
Speaker:not in a race that you're losing and nobody is in a race that they're
Speaker:winning. If you're worried about showing off to a bunch of people you don't
Speaker:care about anymore, you don't even need to go. But if
Speaker:you do, or if you want to, just remember
Speaker:that you created the glue on post. Its thanks for being here
Speaker:guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.
Speaker:I got to make two Romy and Michelle's jokes there. Very impressed with myself.
