Episode 57
I run successful companies but cleaning up their mess is still sometimes my main job
My kids were supposed to be gone for three days.
Three days turned into eleven. I had the house to myself, figured out who I am without background chaos, and managed to function like an actual adult person.
Then they came home. And then everyone got norovirus.
This week I'm walking through the Mother's Day that was the Mother's Dayest Mother's Day of any Mother's Day ever recorded — and one that was so chaotic, I've only just recovered from it enough to talk about it!
Then Alison joins for Small Talk with a question from Tammy in Montana — a florist who built a real, thriving business from scratch, but whose mom still calls it "a phase."
Transcript
And then 10 minutes later, my front door opens and two children run
Speaker:in screaming. Now, mind you, my house has been silent
Speaker:for 11 days. I nearly had a heart attack and died.
Speaker:So I got to spend mother's day cleaning up vomit and
Speaker:running ginger ale to any number of people. But yeah,
Speaker:I was just looking around going, this is motherhood. This is
Speaker:motherhood.
Speaker:All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm pushing record because that feels
Speaker:right. Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop.
Speaker:Hi, everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different
Speaker:Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.
Speaker:That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And
Speaker:the reality is you're just different. And that's fine.
Speaker:Kids were gone for a long time, like very unexpectedly. They were with my husband.
Speaker:They weren't kidnapped, thankfully, but I was like 90% sure he
Speaker:was going to bring them back. He was going to bring them back. But they
Speaker:went up to our house up north that is still under
Speaker:construction after two years. Dear Lord. There actually is progress
Speaker:happening. There are floors in multiple areas.
Speaker:That is such a wild success, you
Speaker:have no idea. Anyway, so they were supposed to go for three days.
Speaker:In typical Howard fashion. We booked tickets there, we never booked tickets back.
Speaker:I wasn't able to go with them when they wanted to go. My husband had
Speaker:to meet the contractor so they couldn't postpone. So it was just like,
Speaker:well, I guess I'm gonna be on my own for a couple of days. Just
Speaker:me and the dog. So it was supposed to be three days. Then they both
Speaker:got sick. Both kids got this like creeping crud upper
Speaker:respiratory virus that was like relentless.
Speaker:And I think they got it from my mother in law cause she had something
Speaker:similar before and it was just a virus,
Speaker:but it was nasty. And it gets to a point like when you
Speaker:get a virus and you get to like day five and you're not feeling better,
Speaker:that feels excessive. It's all awful. But when you get to day
Speaker:five, you're like, what the heck? Immune system, what is going on?
Speaker:And then we were getting to like day eight and nine and she was still
Speaker:down for the count. But they didn't see her in
Speaker:person until like literally day 10 or day
Speaker:11. So we just kind of thought that after
Speaker:all that time it would be fine. Her fever was gone, her cough
Speaker:was better, she was on medication. Anyway, like three days later,
Speaker:they come down with the upper respiratory infection of
Speaker:everybody's nightmares. And he had so much stuff that he had to do and he
Speaker:was by Himself, so he had to take them with. So these, like, poor kids
Speaker:are like, driving around New Hampshire wearing masks, and people think they're still Covid
Speaker:shut ins, which is fine, but it was just a bizarre
Speaker:setup. So they were supposed to be gone for three days. They were gone for
Speaker:like four days. And then I talked to my husband and he was like, well,
Speaker:there's more stuff we have to do. So 11 days later, I finally get
Speaker:a return date for them, which is two days after. So they were supposed
Speaker:to come back on Saturday. It was a little bit weird because usually when he
Speaker:books a flight, he immediately puts it on my calendar because he knows I will
Speaker:not remember when it is or what airline it is unless it's on my calendar.
Speaker:And he didn't. And I just didn't think about it. I was slammed. It was
Speaker:the week we closed on the sale of the Practice. I was exhausted, my brain
Speaker:was super soup, and so I just didn't think about it. And then I was
Speaker:trying to figure out how I could plan out my day on Saturday. And I
Speaker:texted him and I was like, when is your flight getting in? And he didn't
Speaker:answer me, and I texted him again, and I think I called him a fart
Speaker:hole and said, when is your plane coming in?
Speaker:And he said, oh, it's 7:10 tomorrow on
Speaker:Southwest. And I was like, okay, great. And then 10 minutes
Speaker:later, my front door opens and two children run in screaming. Now,
Speaker:mind you, my house has been silent for 11 days.
Speaker:I nearly had a heart attack and died. I was like,
Speaker:what is happening? Who's in my house? Am I being robbed by elves? I don't
Speaker:understand what's happening. And then I reoriented myself and
Speaker:realized it was my children. And my husband thought it was funny to just
Speaker:not tell me they were coming back and jump into my office to
Speaker:surprise me. Which was delightful, except for the whole almost
Speaker:dying thing, because he nearly gave me a heart attack. So this was Friday.
Speaker:They came back. Mother's Day was that Sunday. And the kids come in. Of course
Speaker:I'm excited to see them, and I'm squeezing them and giving them all the kisses.
Speaker:And I'm so excited that they're back and they're all up in my face,
Speaker:and I'm all up in their face. And my youngest had a weird
Speaker:stomach thing for a couple days before, but she seemed different than
Speaker:the thing they had before. But my husband said she was better as of that
Speaker:morning, no problems. So we just thought it was food poisoning or something.
Speaker:And she seemed fine. She Ate a bunch of food. She was fine. And so
Speaker:we're just like, well, it must have been food poisoning and not contagious. And then
Speaker:a couple hours later, my oldest just starts
Speaker:puking everywhere. And it was like, food poisoning isn't
Speaker:contagious. So she starts getting sick everywhere. And then
Speaker:my youngest, who had been okay for, like, 48 hours,
Speaker:starts getting sick again. And, like, we're very quickly running out of
Speaker:towels. There are no supplies.
Speaker:And so my husband and I are handling it. He basically put the kids together.
Speaker:We put them on a saltine diet and
Speaker:made them slam Pedialyte because it was like, they couldn't eat
Speaker:anything. Like, as soon as they ate, it was just, like, it was a mess.
Speaker:So we get through the first night, and I'm like, I don't know what this
Speaker:stuff is, because she was good for two days, and now she's sick again.
Speaker:And now my oldest has it. This is chaotic.
Speaker:My husband fell asleep on the couch with the kids. The next morning,
Speaker:he walks into our room and says, I need your help.
Speaker:And he has the very distinct look of the
Speaker:man flu on his face. And I was like, why?
Speaker:And he was like, I just threw up everywhere. I was like, oh.
Speaker:Oh, super fun. So you all brought it home to me. I'm so
Speaker:excited. Awesome. So I got to
Speaker:spend Mother's Day cleaning up vomit and running ginger
Speaker:ale to any number of people. And I'm looking around going, this
Speaker:is the Mother's Dayest. Mother's Day of any Mother's Day. This is exactly what
Speaker:happens on Mother's Day. And my youngest comes up to me and she
Speaker:says, mom, we were supposed to go Mother's Day shopping for you, and we
Speaker:couldn't because we're puking. And I was like, that is accurate,
Speaker:and that is totally fine. These things happen. It is okay. You are not in
Speaker:trouble. I really don't care. There was no world where
Speaker:my day would have been greatly impacted by whatever. So he did have
Speaker:his mom arrange some stuff for me, like flowers. And then I might have gotten
Speaker:a emergency delivery from Sephora of things I absolutely
Speaker:needed for myself to save a little bit of the day.
Speaker:But, yeah, I was just looking around going, this is motherhood.
Speaker:This is motherhood. By the way, this day is supposed to be for
Speaker:you. You're supposed to relax and have people take care of
Speaker:you, but instead, they're going to vomit on you. That's just got to be fine.
Speaker:And so instead, I got to
Speaker:risk it all laying in bed with my kids, knowing that at Any minute,
Speaker:whatever this crud is is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm
Speaker:like, power slamming Zofran. Like, I called one of our
Speaker:nurse practitioners, and I was like, I can't make the vomit stop. I need
Speaker:Zofran. So she called it in. I went and grabbed it at one of the
Speaker:pharmacies and brought it back home. I'm giving it to the kids. And
Speaker:then Sunday late, and then yesterday also, my
Speaker:stomach just started feeling, like, a little weak. Like, I was definitely not hungry.
Speaker:I definitely didn't want to eat anything. Nothing sounded good. And also,
Speaker:it was like, this doesn't exactly feel right. And I
Speaker:was like, somebody give me a Zofran. We're not doing this. No, no. I
Speaker:will prophylactically Zofran myself into my grave
Speaker:rather than go through what these people are going through full stop.
Speaker:So I texted her after a day, and I was like, you might have to
Speaker:send more. And she goes, did you use it up already? And I was like,
Speaker:no, but I plan to, because I'm not doing it. I have stuff to do.
Speaker:I'm stubborn. I'm going to avoid this thing by just
Speaker:sheer force of will. Anyway, we still have plenty of Zofran because I
Speaker:haven't actually taken the whole bottle yet, but it dissolves, so I
Speaker:could.
Speaker:My poor oldest. The first night, she couldn't
Speaker:keep down the Zofran, and every time I put it in her mouth, she would
Speaker:just throw it up. She just was so sensitive. And so I
Speaker:texted one of our nurse practitioners, and I was like, oh, yay, we have norovirus
Speaker:so bad that we can't keep down the Zofran. And she goes, do
Speaker:you want me to send in some Phenergan suppositories? I guess that's a
Speaker:thing they do for kids. I looked at my oldest and had her read it,
Speaker:and I said, do you want her to do this? And she goes, what's a
Speaker:suppository? And I told her, and she goes, I'll keep it down.
Speaker:And she's like, nope, we're not doing that at all ever. Nope.
Speaker:So anyway, they all appear to be somewhat better.
Speaker:Like, last night, they all seem to get hit by
Speaker:it again. It comes in waves. It's very weird. And it doesn't seem dependent on,
Speaker:like, the kind of stuff they eat. All of a sudden, they go from being
Speaker:fine to not. It was full man flu, which means
Speaker:my husband was on the couch unable to put his own socks on,
Speaker:Needed help with everything. I'm dying. Everything I'M dying. Yeah, okay,
Speaker:sure you are. And then yesterday I see him
Speaker:run downstairs and grab something and do something
Speaker:deliberately annoying. And I was like, oh, good news, he feels better. And also bad
Speaker:news. He feels better because now he's annoying the kids again. Awesome.
Speaker:That's like a true sign that he feels better. He's irritating the kid. Then
Speaker:he was like, I'm starving. I need to get food. And I was like, maybe
Speaker:you're starving because you haven't eaten in several days. But still, can we, like, take
Speaker:it easy? So of course he goes to a fast food restaurant and I think
Speaker:he's going to get like a cheeseburger or something, which is fine. Like, whatever. I
Speaker:mean, it's not fine. He's definitely going to puke it up. But, like, I thought
Speaker:he was going to get a cheeseburger. He had like a shrimp and
Speaker:catfish basket. I was like, if you know that you're going to
Speaker:vomit something up, that's what you pick. Really?
Speaker:He was like, I just was hungry and it sounded good. I'm like, you have
Speaker:to think about the impact, man. So then last night, he was just frickin
Speaker:miserable. He was like, the reflux is so bad. And I was like,
Speaker:maybe it's because you ate a basket of
Speaker:deep fried. We don't even know what, like, they said it's
Speaker:shrimp. Do we know that? Did you test it? Because I didn't.
Speaker:And you ate French fries. Why would you eat French fries? Anyway,
Speaker:So I would like to say he learned his lesson. He did not. There is
Speaker:no way that lesson is going to stick with him whatsoever. But that was
Speaker:my Mother's Day was cleaning up piles of vomit and
Speaker:throwing out all of the linens in our house, which we now get to replace,
Speaker:and figuring out new and creative ways to give my
Speaker:children targets to hit so that they don't
Speaker:get bodily fluids on the furniture. Happy Mother's Day.
Speaker:And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's
Speaker:small talk. We have a small talk from
Speaker:Tammy in Montana. She says, hi there. I changed careers
Speaker:at 29, left a perfectly stable accounting job to
Speaker:become a florist. My mom has referred to this as
Speaker:my phase ever since. Even as my business grew,
Speaker:even as I hired staff, even as I genuinely love what I do every
Speaker:single day. It's not that she's cruel. She's just waiting
Speaker:for me to come back to something that looks like what she imagined for me.
Speaker:And every time she asks, so, what's next? At family
Speaker:dinners, I feel 14 years old. Again, I've made peace with the choice.
Speaker:I haven't made peace with her response to the choice. How do you stop
Speaker:needing someone to approve of a decision you already know was
Speaker:right? Why do you need her to approve of it? Like,
Speaker:what do you get out of that? Is there like a gift basket or a
Speaker:medal? I don't think any of those things happen. I think you need
Speaker:to investigate why it bothers you that she has not gotten on board with it.
Speaker:It sounds to me like you're a successful business owner and it doesn't matter what
Speaker:industry that's in. I have a friend who did that. She was an
Speaker:attorney and she left her high paying job and started
Speaker:a flower shop. And she actually ended up being the person who did the flowers
Speaker:at my wedding. That's how I met her. We're still friends 15
Speaker:years later. She was a really good business owner
Speaker:because she had this very, very complex background
Speaker:in all sorts of things that intersected with business.
Speaker:Her law degree arguably made her a better florist
Speaker:because she understood business structure, she understood mergers and acquisitions, she
Speaker:understood what it looks like to expand, what it looks like to
Speaker:hire. She understood employment law. She understood all of these little different things
Speaker:that were vital to running a business. I think part of it is
Speaker:setting the boundary. I don't think you need to get okay with it. I think
Speaker:your mom needs to close her mouth. It bothers you
Speaker:because she's being rude. Whether she's being funny about it or not,
Speaker:she's saying something that bothers you and she's doing it repeatedly.
Speaker:So instead of trying to figure out how to deal with it so it doesn't
Speaker:bother you, tell her to stop saying it. Hey,
Speaker:I'm a successful business owner. I've hired staff, I've grown the business,
Speaker:we make good money, I'm paying my bills, I don't need
Speaker:anything from you. I'm very happy with where I am in life.
Speaker:Stop saying that. Stop saying that. Even if I plan to change my
Speaker:career five more times, Stop saying that. It's dismissive to me.
Speaker:It's dismissive to my choices and the hard work that I put in. It doesn't
Speaker:matter if you plan to close the flower shop and become a mermaid. You
Speaker:get to be a mermaid then. Awesome. And as a
Speaker:mom, she's allowed to be protective, she's allowed to be concerned. She's allowed to
Speaker:make sure that you're okay, that you're not making decisions for reasons that are
Speaker:harmful or detrimental to you. But at some point, she's allowed to just shut
Speaker:up and let you make your decisions. So I don't think it's about you
Speaker:getting used to her saying it, because if you were going to do that, you
Speaker:would have already done it. It sounds like she's been doing it a long time.
Speaker:It's about setting the boundary with her and saying, stop doing this. It makes me
Speaker:feel like you are being judgmental and passive aggressive toward me and I don't like
Speaker:it. Stop doing it. And that's a completely reasonable thing
Speaker:to ask. It doesn't matter what her intention is. It doesn't matter that she's not
Speaker:trying to be mean or that she's not, you know, she's not trying to.
Speaker:Whatever. Tell her to stop. It doesn't. Her
Speaker:intention doesn't matter. If it makes you feel otherwise, tell her to
Speaker:stop. It's not a phase. Emo was a phase.
Speaker:This is flowers. Flowers are always in style.
Speaker:Thanks for being here, guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.
Speaker:That was a good reference. I'm proud I got that in there.
