I recognized him instantly. (My Reality TV → Real Life Nightmare)

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Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at

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me, I just have a question. Cameras follow them around

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all the time and then act completely

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shocked when the people they meet are very

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clearly flexing for attention. We've been conditioned

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to believe that you take care of your needs yourself.

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All right, here we go. I'm gonna pretend I'm pushing record. Cause that feels right.

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Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop. Hi,

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everybody. I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different

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Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.

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That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And

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the reality is you're just different, and that's fine. In

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general, I do not watch reality shows, with the exception of a

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very, very select few. Very select. One of them is married at

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first sight.

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I'm about to literally marry somebody that I've in my life. I'm about to

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marry a complete stranger. We're going to

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be married at first sight. Thank you. I want

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this to be the ultimate love story. I do, I do, I do,

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I do. We literally just met him. But I'm sorry,

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Nicola Nelvis, there's something I need to tell you. I'm

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pregnant.

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I love the idea of the chaos

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of literally legally marrying a complete stranger.

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And also, if you understand, like, the success rates of

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arranged marriages and stuff like that, it's not that bonkers to do it.

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Like, it's bonkers to do it on television. That's nuts.

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But marrying a stranger, there's, like, lots of cultural

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precedent for that. And it works in a lot of places. And, like, it has

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the same kind of failure rates as marrying somebody that you very deliberately pick.

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And as somebody who very deliberately picked the person I'm married to who I

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mostly like a lot, like, there are drawbacks.

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Very clear drawbacks. I love married at first sight. And my husband and

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I actually started watching it together. He no longer watches it with me, but it

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was on, like, one of the home improvement networks when we were

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building the house that we have. And so we kind of, like, accidentally

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started watching it after whatever home improvement show that

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wanted to make us believe that anybody can pick up a hammer and build a

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detail wall, which is not true, by the way. Not true at all. And

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then it was, like, definitely hate watching. And then it was

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like, I kind of like the show. And he will swear that he did not

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like it, and he absolutely did, because he could tell you everything about all of

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these people. And anyway, I don't think he's watched it in 10 years. So every

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time a new season drops on Netflix, I'm like, I know what I'm going to

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screw around with. But there's another one that I also

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like that I am very deliberately not naming.

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I don't know that I like it more, but I definitely

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hate it more. I love watching it

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because it is the most

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egregious train wreck that I've ever seen.

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And the people on it

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very publicly sign up

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to have cameras follow them around all

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the time and then act completely

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shocked when the people they meet

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are very clearly flexing for attention.

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I feel about it a lot like I feel about Republicans. What do you mean?

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That tariffs were going to raise prices for everybody and make all of our

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lives invariably harder and be terrible for the economy? What do you mean that they

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did exactly what they said they were going to do? What? What?

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It's very much like that. Like, what do you mean? This person

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who was willing to expose their entire lives and get

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all sorts of wild stuff baited out of them by reality

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show producers who get paid to literally do that. What

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do you mean? They are this person who I didn't

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realize they were like. It's like, really, bro? Really? I

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can handle, like, one show at a time, and

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then I need a break, and I need to watch shows about murder, because those

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are less messy. And then I go back to another reality show, and

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I very rarely try new ones. I have attempted a

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handful and barely got through the first episode, so my tolerance for them

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pretty low. There is, I guess, two. I was gonna say one, but two

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that I. I pretty clearly know inside and out,

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and I can roll with the best of them as far as

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knowledge of these shows, which means that there are certain

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people who have been on these shows that I

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know of very well. Obviously, I

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don't know them, but I feel like I know them because I've seen them do

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Jackass shit in front of thousands and

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thousands, maybe millions of people, knowing that that's exactly what

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they're doing, or they knew that that's exactly what they're doing.

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Last Thursday was basically out of the office all day. I went to a funding

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event in Miami. I got to meet a bunch of really cool investors or

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potential investors. It was an experience that I thought I would hate and actually

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really ended up enjoying. Except for going alone. I would

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not do that alone. Again, not that it was, like,

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unsafe. There is a lot that has to be

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considered when you're about to go schmooze and shake hands with and meet

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a bunch of strangers who could potentially at some point give

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you their money. And I needed somebody

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with me to be like, no, you cross the street there.

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Yes, we have to be on the train by this time. Because I was just

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fully distracted by the sheer amount that I needed

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to accomplish in that day. And the fact that I also had to handle the

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logistics of the day. Getting from one place to another,

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ordering the Uber, making sure I ate, finding

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a target because my shoes were not gonna work. And I also managed to find,

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like, the one target in the world that doesn't sell shoes. So that was a

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bust. I just decided. I was like, well, screw it. I'm just gonna keep these

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shoes. And that lasted for like, less than an hour. And

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I'm not joking when I say that as soon as I left the event,

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I threw the shoes out and put my sandals back on. And I was like,

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we're done here. Shoes are gone. And this is my fault because

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I remembered I have a pair of shoes that are incredibly comfortable, really cute,

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and really super high. And I will either wear no shoes

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or like five inch heels. There's no middle ground. Part of that is being short,

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and part of that's having very high arches. But I didn't think about this.

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I had them when I was up in New Hampshire. I wore them for an

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event in Boston. I was like, these are the shoes I'm gonna wear for the

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rest of my life. In my brain said, I will order a

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pair to have in Florida. Not. I don't know why I didn't just

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take out my phone and check and make sure they still existed. They don't sell

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them anymore. So I had to. This is very first world problems.

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I had to pick alternate shoes, and they hurt. Just know that I understand how

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this sounds coming out of my mouth, and it's also not the point. So I

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walk into this event, they have this really cool setup. It's in this, like, super

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trendy, like, industrial type space. We're in

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Miami. It's all those things. There weren't a ton of people

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there, but there were probably like 50 or 60 people there. It

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was pretty well attended. And me being me,

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if I'm going in and like, I know a person or I know

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who I want to talk to and why, I have no problem walking up

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to people, but a room full of people who I have no idea who they

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are and who are all kind of mingling, I was like, I'm gonna sit

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this one out and wait until the festivities start, and then I'll figure out what

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to do. So I found a table, and I did have a ton of emails

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to respond to. And it had been a very long day of travel, and I

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hadn't had a chance to get my computer out in several hours. And so I

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sat down and tried to get through some things on my email, and

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I hear somebody come over and say, does anybody mind if I sit here?

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And I didn't really look up. I just said, go for it, no problem.

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And he sits down a couple seats, like, maybe one seat away from me.

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And I'm looking at my phone and I hear him say, so, are you with

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one of the investment companies or are you a founder? And at that

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point, I looked up and said, oh, I'm a founder. And

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made eye contact with this person that I absolutely recognized.

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And I'm really bad with faces. So if I

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absolutely recognize you, you're seared in there

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deeply. You are taking up space in my brain rent from.

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And so I'm looking at this guy going, I know you from somewhere.

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But I. Not only do I know you from somewhere, I feel like I know

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you, but I'm certain I have never spoken to you before.

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So I look down at his name tag, and he has a very

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distinct name that I had only ever heard one place before,

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and it was my most favorite,

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slash, least favorite reality show. And then he

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explains to me that he's also a founder

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and that what he does for a living, which was like a whole through line

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in that show. I am the queen of

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keeping a straight face. I did not let on at all.

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But then I go through this, like, very

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deep mental dive of, oh, remember when you were a

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total asshole here? Do you remember when

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you said this to that person who didn't deserve

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it? Like, do you remember when you got kicked out of. And

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I'm like, oh, I know all this guy's dirty laundry. This is. This is impressive.

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And also, he's one of those people, he probably deserves credit

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for maybe being manipulated by producers or

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having the drama played up for the show. I get that.

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But also, there's like, tons of stories of shit he's done while the cameras

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aren't on. And so it's like, you might actually be that big of an

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asshole. So anyway, I had to hold a straight face

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and feign like I was interested in his startup while my

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brain was on fire about the fact

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that he fucked over somebody that I stand for

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and somebody who I also have never met. To be clear, it's not like

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this is a person I know also. She is a Person from the same

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show. And I'm like, looking around, it is

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the most bizarre series of events. And I'm like, is this really

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happening? And there's also the other part of me that was like, does nobody else

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know who this guy is? Like, why is everybody standing around

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like, this is normal? This person? Am I the only person

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who watches trash television here? Are all of you above it? Because

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I know startup people and I cannot imagine that

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all of you are above it. Please someone speak up, because

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I don't understand what's happening here. So anyway, I kept

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a straight face and I actually texted my nanny and was like,

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I have a very important thing you need to ask me. And

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then she called me and she was like, what? And I was like, thank you.

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And we talked about mailings that she was working on, which we did actually need

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to talk about. But I just, like, needed to get away from the situation. And

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there was literally nobody to save me because I was by myself at this event.

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But that is the story of how I went to an

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event. First, I went to an event. You are allowed to sit

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and stare with shock and awe because that is unheard of. I went

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to an event. I ended up talking to my most hated

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reality show person ever. Most hated. I have

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so much to say about this dude. And I have said all of has

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not. Like, I have not been shy about it. I don't know why this

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takes up so much space in my brain. This is what. This is literally the

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only person in that entire room that I had an opinion on

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and I had no idea until he was standing in front of me and I

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was like, I have so many things to say about you. But I didn't kept

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my mouth shut. And I was polite and he was actually very polite.

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And we talked about one of my dogs. And then I got

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rescued by our nanny because she is a delight and saves my butt all the

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time, apparently also when I am 200 miles away from her and I wore shoes

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that were really uncomfortable and then I threw them out. The end.

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And now we're going to hear from some of our listeners with their weekly brags.

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Love the Braggs idea. My name is Ron R.

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I'm just excited for 2026. Kind of been a

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rough year. So this is just setting up

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to be awesome and so it shall.

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Thank you again. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.

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This is a question for, I don't know, maybe the sleep scientists of the world.

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Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at

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me, I just Have a question. Am I supposed to be able

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to drink a Venti size? Now,

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mind you, venti means 20 so large.

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A 20 ounce size coffee

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right before bed and then fall asleep without a

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problem. Is that supposed to happen? Because

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my understanding is that is supposed to keep me up all night.

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But last night, I don't know why, because my husband usually

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doesn't do this. He ran out with the kids, came back, brought me a

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coffee. It was at like 9 o' clock at night. It was delicious,

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by the way. I drank the whole thing.

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Then kind of thought to myself, like, maybe I shouldn't have done that at 9

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o' clock at night. Even though I don't usually pay any attention to how much

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caffeine is in what I drink. I was like, it'll be interesting. Am I gonna

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end up staying up all night, went to bed, I don't know, hour or

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two later, out like a light, no, nothing. In

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fact, almost fell asleep fast enough that I forgot to put on

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Idris Elba and then remembered at the last minute and put

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him where he belongs and then fell asleep and slept the whole night. I'm just

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sending this out there into the universe. I feel like maybe,

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maybe I might be averse to stimulants. And in case that is

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not diagnostic in and of itself, let me

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know, because it was literally 20 ounces of straight

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caffeine and I was not even,

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not even phased, just time for sleepy sleeps

Speaker: 00:14:25

and went to bed.

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And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's

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small talk. When people say, just communicate better,

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I honestly don't know what they mean. I feel like I'm always

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translating myself for other people and it never quite lands.

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How do you explain your needs without feeling like you're being difficult or high

Speaker: 00:14:50

maintenance? Okay, so I know the question that you want answered, but I don't think

Speaker: 00:14:53

that's the question that I can answer based on the way you asked it, which

Speaker: 00:14:56

is not a criticism of you by any means. But why?

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Why? What about you discussing

Speaker: 00:15:05

your needs makes you difficult or high maintenance? And why would you think that?

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Because that's really the issue. If you aren't trying to package up your

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needs in a way that you feel is palatable to other people, then we wouldn't

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have an issue here. The problem is that you've been told that

Speaker: 00:15:20

communicating your needs has to be done in a very specific way

Speaker: 00:15:23

so that other people will fulfill them. And that isn't

Speaker: 00:15:27

the reality. These aren't wants, these are needs. This is

Speaker: 00:15:31

not you saying I would really like to have a coffee. This is you saying,

Speaker: 00:15:34

I really need information delivered like this or else I can't

Speaker: 00:15:38

process it. Does that mean you should be an asshole about it?

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No. There are ways to communicate

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exactly the way you have to or the way it comes out of your brain

Speaker: 00:15:49

without making other people feel bad, without

Speaker: 00:15:53

attacking them, without addressing them in ways that makes them

Speaker: 00:15:56

uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean that by being

Speaker: 00:16:00

direct about your needs or by, you know, addressing them

Speaker: 00:16:04

as non negotiables, you are somehow being difficult. But

Speaker: 00:16:07

that's what we've been conditioned to believe. And if you're asking out loud for them

Speaker: 00:16:11

that you're somehow doing something wrong, that you're burdening other people, that

Speaker: 00:16:14

you are too much for them, that they're going to get tired of you, et

Speaker: 00:16:17

cetera, that premise is bullshit. Does it happen? Sure,

Speaker: 00:16:21

if it happens. Those aren't your people. If it

Speaker: 00:16:25

happens, fuck those people. They are not the ones that

Speaker: 00:16:29

you're supposed to be communicating your needs to. And so

Speaker: 00:16:33

the question is not how do I communicate my needs in a way that makes

Speaker: 00:16:36

me likable or not difficult.

Speaker: 00:16:40

The question is, why does communicating my needs make me feel unlikable

Speaker: 00:16:44

or like I'm difficult? And that's a function of conditioning.

Speaker: 00:16:48

You have been told, whether implicitly or

Speaker: 00:16:52

otherwise, that having needs is inherently a problem

Speaker: 00:16:56

and that having needs and communicating them is going to make people like

Speaker: 00:17:00

you less. And it happens a lot in workplaces.

Speaker: 00:17:03

It happens a ton in workplaces where, you know, speaking out

Speaker: 00:17:07

about the way you need something done, speaking up about having things modified

Speaker: 00:17:11

to meet your needs, or about the way that things are being done, that is

Speaker: 00:17:14

not the most efficient or appropriate way to do things. Makes you difficult because

Speaker: 00:17:18

you're not just going with the flow. But like

Speaker: 00:17:22

lots of people try to go with the flow and then drown. So you're

Speaker: 00:17:25

not being difficult, you're communicating your needs. You can preface

Speaker: 00:17:29

it with I need to tell you what I need in this situation,

Speaker: 00:17:33

ask me questions. If it's not coming across the way that you

Speaker: 00:17:37

understand it, and I will very happily explain, but it

Speaker: 00:17:41

doesn't have to be about how do I temper the way that I communicate

Speaker: 00:17:45

with people so they're more likely to fulfill my needs. Again, you're not asking for

Speaker: 00:17:48

coffee, you're not asking somebody to take you out for ice cream. You're saying this

Speaker: 00:17:51

is a thing I need to exist in this environment. It's a non

Speaker: 00:17:54

negotiable. And you don't have to make that palatable

Speaker: 00:17:58

for other people to have it delivered. Thanks for being here, guys.

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Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.

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So anyway, as soon as that came out of my mouth, I

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get a text on my phone because I forget Vanessa sits, like, right on

Speaker: 00:18:17

the outside of that door, and it says, yes for the neurodivergent

Speaker: 00:18:21

brain.