Episode 59

Finding Your Voice and Power: Cindy Gallop on Authenticity and Resilience

Published on: 10th June, 2026

Welcome to another episode of Different, Not Broken, the podcast that dives deep into the beauty of being different and the myth of brokenness. I’m Lauren Howard, and today I’m joined by the inimitable Cindy Gallop—renowned brand builder, outspoken public speaker, and founder of Make Love Not Porn. In this candid conversation, we talk about the challenges and triumphs of showing up authentically in a world that’s constantly trying to put us and our voices into boxes.

You’ll hear us discuss what it means to speak your truth—and why the world desperately needs authentic voices now more than ever. From navigating criticism and resiliency to the unique struggles faced by women labeled as “difficult,” this episode is filled with practical wisdom and unfiltered encouragement. Plus, we tackle questions about emotional labor and the importance of asking for help, reminding all of us that being the “strong one” doesn’t mean carrying it all alone.

Buckle up for some honest advice, permission to take a break, and a much-needed pep talk for anyone doubting the value of their voice.

And in this week's Small Talk, Alison shares a question from Jenna in New York.

Transcript
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If somebody thinks something of me that is not true, I

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don't care. I ignore it. Someone who thinks something of me

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that is not true is completely irrelevant to me. You have an idea

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that is contrary to the way I want this to go, and you're

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being vocal about it because you found a problem that I don't want to address,

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and so that makes you difficult. Not me.

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Rigid and stubborn. There is one single micro

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action you can begin taking. It's really easy,

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doesn't require any particular talent, skills, whatever. It is the one micro

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action that will change your life and your work for

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the better immediately. And it's very simply

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this. All right, here we go. I'm gonna pretend

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I'm pushing record, because that feels right. Okay, I'm pressing record.

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Boop. Hi, everybody. I'm Lauren Howard.

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Welcome to Different Not Broken, which is our

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PODC on exactly that. That there are a lot of people in this world walking

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around feeling broken, and the reality is you're just different, and that's fine.

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Hey, guys. I'm very excited about today and

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a number of things that are about to happen. As you are listening along, it

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hasn't been no secret, especially if you've been listening for a while, that the last

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year has been borderline impossible. Not just for me. I feel like

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maybe that's been everybody in the whole entire world, and

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especially lots of people within the U.S. but my world

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specifically has been exceptionally difficult.

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I am very fortunate that there are a handful of other

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people who are always on the other end of the phone, so that

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when whatever shit hits whatever fan, I

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have a reliable network of people who have

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unfailingly been there. And I consider myself so

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fortunate. Despite the fact that the last year has been nearly impossible, despite the

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fact that there have been days that I'm like, what the am I doing? I

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have never done it alone. Even on the days where it felt completely

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isolating, I have never done it alone. If I look back on the last year,

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as much as it's been horrifically difficult, that is

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something that I can count as maybe the greatest blessing in my life.

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And the reason I say that now, specifically, is because I happen

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to be fortunate enough to have one of those people who is always on the

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other end of the phone here with me today. If you have

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not followed Cindy Gallup on LinkedIn, please go do it

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for a number of reasons. One, we're all being throttled, and so extra followers helps.

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And you should very intentionally go find her content because it's excellent, but also

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because everything she says is correct. Everything she says

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is right. Everything about women in business, about

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funding female founders, about standing up to the

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patriarchy, about, I don't know, probably soup. I would imagine

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your perspectives on soup are also correct. We probably agree.

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Also she like posts like really like swanky photos from the

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Virgin Atlantic Lounge with drinks. I just really want to drink. Airplanes aren't my

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thing so I probably I might figure out have to figure out how to make

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one at home. So very, very, very fortunate to have the

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wonderful and magical Cindy Gallop with us today.

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We are going to get into both some very tough topics

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and just some funny topics. So, Cindy, thank you so much

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for being here. I am delighted to have you. I would love for

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you to give a brief background of myself to everybody

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who's listening along and then we'll get into some trouble as we always

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do. My background is 40 years working in

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brand building, marketing and advertising, which is actually very good experience.

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What I do now because I've effectively spent 40 years working in

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the business of getting people to do things that they originally had no intention of

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doing, which is advertising. And these days I'm the

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founder and CEO of Make Love Not Corn. We are pro sex,

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pro porn, pro. Knowing the difference, we've just launched

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MakeLoveNotPorn Academy, which is an extension of our

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brand, which is a global sex education

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aggregator hub to make it easy for parents, teachers,

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children, young people, adults to find the open, healthy sex

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education resources that they need at a time when those are being blocked,

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censored and deplatformed. And alongside that,

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I work as a personal coach, a consultant, and a public

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speaker. I was very new to LinkedIn and I was like, who is this woman

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and can she be my best friend? And what I will say is,

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you have a giant LinkedIn following. And I say this as somebody who has a

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big LinkedIn following. You dwarf me. Which is not a complaint. You should.

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But you are maybe the most approachable,

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authentic person on LinkedIn.

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I don't think I've ever commented on something and not gotten a

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response. You answer your emails, you'll tell people to shut up when they need to,

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which I very much appreciate. It wasn't like, it

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wasn't like some big thing where I

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literally just reached out to you on LinkedIn one day and I was like, I

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think I need to learn from you. And you were like, cool, awesome,

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let's do it. That was the whole of it. When I say

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this is not an exaggeration. When I say I would not have made it through

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the last year of my life without you. That is not an exaggeration. You

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have been a force within my brain

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when you're there and when you're not, because you're really good at leaving

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little Easter eggs that dive into the brain, wrinkles that will pop up and

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I'll be like, that's Cindy talking to me right now. I do hear voices, and

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occasionally it's you. You saw me on some of my worst days in the last

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year. This sounds very self aggrandizing and it's not meant that

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way. But usually when I talk to people about business, it's people who want to

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pick my brain about business. It's people who are struggling in their

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own right, which is fine. I love having those conversations and I will have them

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forever. But no matter the age of the person, they're usually coming to

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me looking for advice, which again, I love and I will do

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forever. But that gets very, very isolating

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because I'm great at business, but there are still days where I'm like,

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shit, I have no idea what I'm doing. Who do I ask? Who do I

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talk to? So having somebody who I can realistically

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say, I bet this person has been through this before. I bet this person has

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a perspective on it that I can trust. That has been transformational

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in my career. Because the shit that I'm coming to in

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my career, you figured out and that that matters a ton.

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Anyway, so I give that prologue because I like to hear my

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own voice, but also because I think I might need my ass kicked.

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We had planned to talk about some stuff which we will maybe get to at

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the end, but if I feel like I need my ass kicked, I'm gonna guess

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that most of the people who are listening need their ass kicked or

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need to hear what I can only anticipate is going to be the brilliance that

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you respond with. We done a lot of the hard things. We survived the

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impossible. We have survived really tough family

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stuff. We sold the business. We are

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figuring out what's next. We built up our consulting side a lot,

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which has been amazing. But I have not found the part where

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I feel like myself publicly again, which is a strange place to

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be after five years where I have made literally a whole podcast on being myself

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publicly. And it is making me think maybe this voice

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isn't needed. Maybe the reason that I don't feel drawn to it

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right now is because there are other people who need to be saying the things

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that I say, and maybe it's not me. And I know that Every time I've

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said that, you have all but threatened to end me in loving

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ways, in the lovingest ways. I feel like my brain

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or my soul maybe has not caught up to the reality of where we actually

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are right now as we progress through and improve.

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And I can't figure out where that is. And we

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have conversations every week about, like, do we need to keep doing

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this? Do we need to keep doing things publicly? What are we

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saying that matters? And so I would love the good old stindy

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ass kicking. I know you're not going to tell me how to fix it

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necessarily, but you will tell me what the path is

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to getting to the other side and figuring out the right thing. And

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that's, I think, what I need right now. So what I would say,

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Lauren, is, first of all, I was very pleased to hear,

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as we kicked off this podcast, that you have a

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vacation coming up, because I think that is a very good thing.

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And you know that I've spoken to you about that before. And so I'm

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delighted to hear that you have, as I understand it,

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rented a lovely house with a pool somewhere lovely. And you are going to

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go and lie by that pool and do nothing. And so, first

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and foremost, I would say go and do that because you need to

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do that. And honestly, first of all, I just think

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you're gonna find taking that break really

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helpful in resetting and

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getting back in the game, as it were. And secondly, Lauren, I will just say

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to you, we are at a time in history where

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we need everybody to speak their truth

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who is willing to. And I say that because there are a ton of people

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out there who will not, who really need the rest of us to do so.

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And, you know, I say that about the times we're going through now. We especially

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need role models for women who are willing to speak

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truth to power, to say what they really think, to

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stand up for what they believe in, to live the lives that they want

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to live, to encourage other women, especially,

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to do the same. So there is no scenario

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in which your voice should not be heard. Does the

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confidence in that? Does that come with

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time, with experience? Is that just innate that

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you popped up one day and knew that these are the

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voices we needed to hear. And being louder than other people

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is important when you want to be heard. In my case, I think it's a

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combination of two things. The first is the realization

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that honesty does come with time and getting older, which is, I don't give a

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damn what anybody else thinks, which is the only way to

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Live your life as you undoubtedly have heard me say before. Fear of

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what other people will think is the single most

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paralyzing dynamic in business and in life.

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You will never own the future if you care what other people think. And then

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the second thing is, and I've been saying this to people for a very

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long time now, for anyone who's never done this exercise, take a

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long, hard look inside yourself and identify what you stand

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for, what you believe in, what you value, what

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you're all about. In the first instance, doing

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that makes life so much simpler because life

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still throws you all the shit. It always will. But you know exactly how to

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respond to that shit in any given situation in a way that is true to

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you, and that honesty is the secret of happiness. Living your

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life and working your work in a way that is true to you. But that's

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also what gives you confidence. Because when you know that

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you are living and working your value, that's the only thing

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that matters. You don't need to care what anyone else thinks. You can have the

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complete confidence to do what you know is the right thing for you to

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do. I'm the one who says to people all the time, what other people think

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about you is not your business. And I believe that. I do. But I

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do find that the current climate feels so toxic. I'm thinking

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about it a lot more than I ever did before. And that is not like

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me at all. So where do you get to the point

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where if what you know about you and

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what someone believes about you are not the same thing, that that doesn't

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affect you? Is that just a matter of showing them different? And if they don't

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want to believe it, it's fine. There's like a gap there that I can't figure

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out how to bridge right now. And this is very unlike me. I have never

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been like this before in my life. Honestly, Lauren, if

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somebody thinks something of me that is not true, I don't

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care. I ignore it. Someone who thinks something of me that is

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not true is completely irrelevant to me. You know, there is no universe

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in which I need to take account of that, because it's just. It's ridiculous.

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Is there a trick for building that armor? I've never been this person,

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and I find myself in the last year being this person a whole lot more

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than I thought possible. I've been saying this to people for a long time.

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Stay away from people and places and things that make you feel bad about

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yourself. Okay. I may occasionally come across something

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online where somebody is saying Something ridiculous about me. The moment I realize that's what

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it is, I absolutely close the page.

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I do not read any further because I don't need to

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see that. I remember years ago, there was somebody, a

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white man, and I say that deliberately because that's where this came from.

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I think this is somebody in my industry, advertising, who

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basically kept writing blog posts about me and how awful I

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was in all sorts of ways. But he was fixated. I did this much

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more back in the day when I was running an ad agency and

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needing to monitor my coverage. And also I did this back in the

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day, by the way, when Google was a lot more effective than it is

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currently. But every so often, I would Google myself to check

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what coverage had come out, et cetera. Whenever I Googled myself,

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one of the things that would come up was this gentleman had written yet another

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nasty blog post about me. And I would see the first line, which made it

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very clear. And I never, ever clicked

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through to any of those posts. I have no idea how they

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continued beyond the first line, because I did not need to read them.

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So that's what I mean when I say, stay away from people and places and

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things that make you feel bad about yourself. The moment you see something in the

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corner of your eye, ignore it. Shut it down. So

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have you had experiences in your career where maybe you have

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done the wrong thing or wished you had handled something differently

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and that impacted maybe somebody's perspective of you?

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How do you address from that perspective? Yes, I absolutely have. And

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first of all, you know, I would just say to that, Lauren, something

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that I've had occasion to say to all

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my employees in different companies over the years. It's more important

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to be respected and not necessarily liked than

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liked and not necessarily respected. And I say that because

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you're asking about decisions I've made in a business

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context which were not always popular, but were the right

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decisions for the business. Okay. And

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the reason I make that point is because too many

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people in business want desperately to be liked.

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And that can come actually at the expense of

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respect. And again, when I was explaining this point to people who worked with me,

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I would say the reason it's better to be respected, not necessarily liked,

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is because you can absolutely be that boss that everyone loves

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going for a drink with on Friday evening. Real love at the holiday

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party. But when times are tough and the

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trips are down, your people want to know that they have a leader

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who will get them through those tough times no matter

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what. And that's not the person who desperately Wants to be liked down the park.

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So we all do things that may not land well with

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some people, but we're doing what we do because it's the right thing to do.

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Yeah, let's say we have somebody who maybe does not

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have the track record that you and I do of having a

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big mouth on the Internet. And they want to find their footing, they want

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to find their way in, but they're not sure where to start.

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And it's really scary. The first time I ever posted on LinkedIn, I was so

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scared about making an idiot of myself that I had five

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people read it before I post. Now I just post the fuck word all the

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time. I don't care. Nobody reads my stuff before I post it unless it's like

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a partnership thing that I have to get approval on. But other than that, nobody

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reads my stuff. But at the time I was so scared.

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Silencing myself doesn't do anything for anybody. But also

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being loud and not encouraging other people to do it also does

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not get us the diversity of voices that we need. Maybe the world needs my

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voice, but it doesn't need only my voice. So how do you get

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somebody from teetering on the edge of

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maybe I would like to say something unpopular, which by the way, I've never actually

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heard an unpopular opinion that was unpopular, unless it's just

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a bad, misogynistic, shitty white man thing, which happens. But I've

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almost never heard an unpopular opinion that was actually unpopular. I just hear opinions that

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nobody else wants to say. And so how do you

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encourage somebody to get from that? I'm not ready yet to

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actually diving in. So my

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startup before Make Love Not Porn was called if

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We Ran the World and I had to back burner

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if We Round the World when Make Loved One Porn blew up because even I,

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superhuman as I am, cannot run two startups simultaneously. You know, I had to

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pick and Make Love Not Porn is literally the startup the world asked for.

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So I back Bernard if We Ran the World, although I would love to reactivate

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it one of these days because it's still badly needed,

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if We Ran the World was a co action platform

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that enabled brands and their consumers to come together

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around shared values in order to walk

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the talk together, to co act and

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collaboratively and collectively co act on those values in a way that

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would make good things happen for the brand, for the business, for the

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consumers and for society in general. And the atomic unit of

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if We Round the World was the micro action. I

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designed my business as I do with Make Love not porn around my own beliefs

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and philosophies. And I believe that change happens from the

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bottom up, not the top down. Every single one

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of us, every day, taking micro actions.

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Small, simple, easy to do actions, so easy to do well when you do them.

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Taking micro actions to change what we want to see change

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cumulatively adds up at scale to enormous impact. And I'm telling you this because

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when I talked about if we ran the world, and I still to this day

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talk about for the concept of micro actions, what I

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would say to people was, there is one

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single micro action that you can begin taking

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today. It's really easy, doesn't require any

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particular talent, skills, whatever. It is the one micro action

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that will change your life and your work for the better

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immediately. And it's very simply this.

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Say what you think. No, really say what you

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really think, because nobody does. I explain to

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people that when you begin saying what you think,

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that is a fantastic filter. So, for example,

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at work, in a meeting about whatever,

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say what you really think because that is why that

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business hired you. They hired you because they wanted your unique

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perspective, insights, thoughts, contributions.

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And if you give them that and they do not respond,

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welcoming them, then you know you need to get the fuck out. You

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do not want to work anywhere where you cannot bring your

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unique perspectives and insights and contributions to the table and

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have that be welcomed and well received equally. Say

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what you think on social, be yourself on social. That's what I

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always advise. Because you will attract to you the people who

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completely concur and you'll repel the ones who

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don't. And you want to repel the ones who don't because who the hell wants

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to have anything to do with them? I say this to people all the time.

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The greatest joy of finding your authentic self or figuring out who

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your authentic self is in a public setting is letting people self select

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out. Exactly. Again, that's something I've always been good with. I think as

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visibility grew, people got louder about it, which

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didn't used to bother me before the last year. And that is, that

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is where I think I expected that was going to be a quiet

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action, that people were just going to be like unfollow or block,

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like please hit the block button. I love it when you hit the block button.

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I don't want you to see me either block. And sometimes it just

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wasn't quiet. And that was a shock to the system. And I

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don't know why, because it's not like I didn't know that those things happened. Now

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it happened in ways that were very scary and that maybe that was the

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difference, that it stopped being necessarily things that were happening on a screen and in

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some cases became things that were happening on my front porch by people who were

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not invited. But every reaction is information.

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You will find out quickly if that is a person you want in your

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ecosystem or not. And being able to assess

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this isn't right. I'm gonna bounce out. Even if that's not a

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fast timeline, making the decision that you are not going

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to continue to invest in where you are, even if it's going to take you

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a year to find the next thing, just knowing that is power.

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And I think probably where I'm struggling is the fact that

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intellectually I know all of this. I still say it to people all the time.

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I almost never tell people things I don't practice myself.

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And I feel like I'm not practicing some of those things right now.

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That leads me to another question that popped into my head while you were explaining

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that. How many times in your career have you been called difficult?

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I'm sure I've been called difficult a lot behind my

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back. Once people get to know me after being terrified by

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me, they will tell me that they were scared of me when they first met

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me. I don't know why. It's probably the resting bitch face, which is fine.

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That's just the way my face is. Anybody who says it's resting bitch face, it's

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actually resting thinking face. You are punishing people for having things going on behind their

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eyes. But that's neither here nor there. But that gets hurled at women

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all the time. Obviously, that's not new information, but I ran

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a mental health practice in person for 10 years, and people would come in

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and they would hassle the doctor for things. They would

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hassle the therapists for things. They would hassle the front desk for things. Things that

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everybody unequivocally said no about. We're not doing that. We don't do that. We don't

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do that paperwork. We can't prescribe that medication. No.

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And finally, somebody would be like, hey, can you come deal with this person? And

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I would just very politely walk up from the back of my office and say,

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hey, is there something I can help you with? And 100% of the time they

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would go, no, I'm fine, thank you, and leave. There were doctors in our office

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that had 40 years worth of credentials and all sorts of

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plaques and things on their walls that are very impressive. And I'm just

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the office manager in the back. And for whatever reason,

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people find that to be intimidating. But

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that's fine. People don't say it when they want to problem solve. They say it

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when they want to write you off as somebody who you can't work with. And

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that is never the case. In fact, I find the quote unquote

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difficult women who end up in my career trajectory to be the ones who are

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the most dynamic, the ones who are the most collaborative.

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Are there women that I haven't gelled with in the workplace? Absolutely.

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I can think of a couple who. We just had very different

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philosophies on how you treat your co workers. But

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by and large, the ones who get the reputation that I'm sure you

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and I carry around with some people are the ones who want to

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work the most with us or have the best ideas or need to

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be heard. And usually the difficult thing means you

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have an idea that is contrary to the way I want this to

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go and you're being vocal about it because you found a problem that I

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don't want to address. And so that makes you

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difficult, not me. Rigid and stubborn. I think

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the fact that nobody has ever said it to you probably speaks to just your

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presence in any room. You run a company that people either love

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or hate. There probably are not a lot of people

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who are indifferent towards your mission. What is it like to be the

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figurehead of that and to navigate all of the challenges

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that come with people who make decisions about what you do? Not

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even because they don't understand, because they aren't even trying to understand. They

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don't care to understand. Make Love, Not Porn has been

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universally well received by people at

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large for 17 years. Okay. My only

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challenges have been financial,

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tech, and business ones. And they have not been

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about what people think of what I'm doing. They've been about the

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no adult content, knee jerk compliance reaction

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to give you an idea. Some years ago, a friend of mine, a female

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journalist, wrote to me and she said, cindy, I'm writing

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a book on how women aren't welcome on the Internet. And she said,

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so what I'm doing is I'm reaching out to prominent feminists like you.

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I'm asking them to share with me the hate mail they receive

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and to talk to me about how they deal with it. And I said to

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her, I think that sounds like a terrific idea. I'm really sorry I can't help

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because I do not get hate mail. And I really don't. In

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17 years of make Love Not Porn, I have never

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had anybody send Hate mail about it.

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And I think that's because when you

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understand what we're doing at Make Love Not Porn and why we're doing

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it, nobody can argue with it. People occasionally ask

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me, Cindy, how do you have the boldness to give talks to

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very corporate audiences and talk about Make Love Not Porn within the talk,

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which I readily do, because Make Love Not Porn is designed

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around my own business principles and philosophies. And so it's a business case study of

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my own business thinking. But my response to that is

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because it doesn't matter how corporate the environment is

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a large the audience is. I know perfectly well that when I talk about

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Make Love Not Porn, everybody in that audience knows exactly what I'm talking about.

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And that's why I have no issue with bringing it up. It's an interesting business

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in that context. Now that I think about it, in the context of

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the conversations we have had. It's always been funding. It's always been,

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you know, funding banking, highly regulated

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industries who are scared about compliance risk. In hindsight,

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yeah, I don't think you've ever said that any human takes

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specific issue with it. Like maybe we won't run it through

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the Bible Belt entirely. Or maybe we will, I don't know. Many

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years ago I was booked to come and give a talk to the students

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at the University of Missouri about Make Love Not Horn specifically. So I gave a

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talk, I was talking about our revenue share business model and I light

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heartedly said to the audience, it's a great way to pay off your student

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loans. Now sitting in the audience was a local reporter

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who instantly wrote a piece about, you know, woman recommends students

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prostitute themselves. And that shot out across a syndicated

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network of local papers. And so I was contacted by a local

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Christian radio station, was shocked and horrified and asked

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me to come on and explain myself. And I absolutely accepted any invitation like

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that. I went on this radio station and I explained what Make Love

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Porn was actually about what I was doing. And by the end of the

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show they were going, this is wonderful, everybody. Check out Make Love Not

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Porn. I probably haven't said this on the show before. I

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am definitely Jewish, but I grew up in an evangelical Christian

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cult. Very like basically a cult that has

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to this day has their own radio station. And

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I'm imagining you going into these studios and it is

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the greatest image that I can possibly conjure in my head.

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But also I would love to see the reactions of the

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Pearl clutchers that I grew up with. I have a friend

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who has a somewhat problematic mother in law. And we

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were at a thing together and her mother in law was there and she says

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to me, okay, that's my mother in law. Stay away from her.

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She's super intrusive. She doesn't like anybody. She will grill

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you and make you uncomfortable. Just stay away from her. And

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I looked at her and I said, introduce me. I

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was like, let's go. I want to go. So I would

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walk into that very happily because it's an opportunity to educate, but it's also

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an opportunity to show. I mean, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have

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nothing to be shy about. You are building what you're building. And it's for

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them, too. It's not to their exclusion. It's for them too.

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I love that we both lean that way because there are situations that you're

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supposed to run from that are going to be confrontational. And I'm like, let's go.

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I'm ready. Let's do it. So as we round out,

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first off, would love for everybody to know where they can find

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you, how they can engage with you, what ways you make yourself available.

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But also if there is someone listening that just needs

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to hear why the world needs that needs their voice, needs, needs their

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skill, needs, whatever. As a departure, what do you say to them? The

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world needs your voice. Whatever you want to say, the world needs

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to hear it because there are so many people

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silencing themselves for all the wrong reasons. So the

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world needs to hear your voice. Whatever you want to put out there, trust me,

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the world wants it in terms of finding me. And this may also be

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helpful. So, first of all, I have a substack. It's called Dear

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Cindy. I started that because people write to me and ask me

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things. And so I thought, let's formalize this and you can write

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and ask me anything. And each week I answer one question from

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the ones that have been sent to me. You can absolutely follow me on LinkedIn.

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I am Indy Gallop on Instagram. If you're curious about my work,

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do check us out@makeloveknotborn.com do support

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my work by signing up and subscribing. Subscriptions start at $10 a month.

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And also do check us out at MakeLoveNotPorn

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Academy, which is the sex education extension

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we've just taken live in very early stage beta. We're still

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loading educators and content on the platform, but we welcome real world testing

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and we also welcome people who believe in our mission

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of bringing lifelong sex education to the world.

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And so we'd love you to become a paid member of the academy.

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It's free for everyone to access, but you can pay just $100 a year

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to help fund our operations. You can absolutely find me on Facebook

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as well. And I have a website, cindygallup.com where you can find out more

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about my personal coaching services and speaking. You will get

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more out of an hour with Cindy than you will get out of an

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mba. That's not me being grandiose at all.

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You will get more with an hour with Cindy about you, about your

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needs, about the ways that we torture ourselves, that she will cut

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right through Cindy. Thank you so much. I adored having you here. You

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are welcome back anytime. Everybody. Please go check out all of the different ways

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Cindy advised that you can find her. I love the substack. I

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personally tend to gravitate toward LinkedIn just because that's where I am

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most of the time. But all of the content is great and there are very

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good alcohol drinks there occasionally that you can partake in by

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proxy.

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And now we'll go to Allison, who has this week's small

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talk. I have a small talk question from Jenna in

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New York. My family has always leaned on me,

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youngest of four kids. But somehow I became the one people call the

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one who shows up, the one who knows what to do when things go sideways.

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And for a long time, that role felt like a gift. It made me

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feel capable, needed, and worthy.

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Last spring, my dad was in the hospital for three weeks, and I organized everything.

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The visits, the insurance calls, the meals for my mom. And

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about halfway through, I realized nobody asked me

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how I was doing. Not once. I'm not sure if I

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train people to not ask or if people just assume the strong one

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doesn't need checking on, but either way, I'm sitting here

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wondering how you start letting people take care of you when that's never

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been the dynamic. Why are you asking questions about my life?

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Jenna from New York? Rude. Why? Why you do this?

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I'm proud of you for taking on the responsibility and doing all the

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things right by your dad, but also very sorry that

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you had to shoulder that all by yourself. I'm also one of

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four children, and I am also the only

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girl. And I am going to hazard a guess that you

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might also be the only girl. In your case, you're the youngest,

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so you would have to be the only girl. I'm not the youngest.

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Even though I'm the only daughter. I'm also the eldest daughter, so there's like

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a whole thing there. I once like asked the Internet if being the eldest daughter

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meant the eldest of all children and also a

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daughter, or if it meant any place in the birth order but the first

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girl. And it was clarified to me that it meant the second

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thing, which I guess being the only one also makes me the eldest. So.

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Okay. And that is very typical

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of the eldest star. I don't know

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why it works out that way. I only have my lived experience on this, and

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I can tell you that that's been a thing my whole life

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where the siblings will reach out to me and ask me

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what we are doing for one of our parents for whatever

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day it is, they do not come to me with a plan for whatever

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day it is. Not often, at least. My mom was recently in the

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hospital and they all texted me. Not a single one of them reached out to

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her. And they did text me, but it was to find out

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what I was doing, how I was handling her. And like,

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my mom wanted to talk to them. She didn't want that. And I didn't really.

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Honestly, I didn't think about it. I just am so used to that dynamic. I

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didn't even think about it until I was sitting in the hospital with her on

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like day six or seven. And of course, I'm running back and forth multiple times

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a day and bringing her whatever she needs. And there's. There's a little

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bit of. I don't want to call it an advantage, but there's like a home

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field advantage there. She lives very close to me and one of my other siblings.

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I am the one who is better with planning and

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logistics and decision making and nuance. And my other sibling is very good for

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show up at this place at this time. And so when I need that, he's

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great. When I need flexibility and

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somebody to make decisions and somebody with critical thinking, that's not the role that he

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fulfills in this dynamic. Right. And so we were probably like five

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or six days in, and I'm sitting in my mom's room because I think we

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were waiting for one of the doctors to come in, and she says, you

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know, have you heard from your brothers? And I said, oh, yeah, because they had

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texted me a couple of times to check in on her. And

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she said, well, none of them have called me at all. And I was like,

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really? That's weird, because, like, they know what's happening. I keep them

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informed. She was like, no, nobody's called me. And then I

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realized that I was the information conduit. They were coming to me if the

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information was coming to them. For me, they were satisfied with it, and they weren't.

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They weren't putting any more emotional or physical labor into it at

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all. And that's because I was doing all of that labor. And I have historically

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done all of that labor. Now, that's. That. That's the emotional

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labor part. There have been many other types of labor that

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my siblings have participated in at other parts of our journey, in taking

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care of both of our parents. And so I don't want to make it seem

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like I'm the only one ever, because that's not the case.

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But I'm the only one a lot of times,

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and I'm so used to it that sometimes I don't even

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realize until it all gets to be too much. It's all

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piled on top of me, and I'm going to. Why is this so difficult?

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And I realize I feel like I'm the only when I'm not the only, you

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know, running back and forth multiple times a day, being the one who has to

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take her to the emergency room, being the one who has to know where the

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med list is, where her surgery list is, where she keeps her computer,

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where she keeps all of her. The things that she needs to pack a bag,

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who her doctors are, how often they communicate with each other.

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It's a lot. And when you are the one who has always handled it,

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people don't realize how much it is. And if you're anything like I am,

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nobody knows how much you're shouldering until it's so much that you bray,

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and then you're angry at everybody and firing back at everybody because you feel so

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isolated and alone. And the reality is that

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as grownups, they should know that this is not all on

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you. If you are not complaining, people don't jump in.

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People in general are not going to fix a problem that

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has not been verbalized to them as a problem. And so

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should all of the boys in your life know that

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you're doing too much and you're overwhelmed and that you need help. But if you're

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not saying it to them, they are not going to pick up on what you're

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thinking. They're not mind readers, and you have to tell them. And I think

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that's probably what's missing. And

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in a lot of cases is received a whole lot better than

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you anticipate that it will be for a couple of reasons. One, it's devastating to

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go to somebody and say, this is too much and I can't do it. And

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as somebody who's had to do that a lot in the last six months. More

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than I ever have in my life. The ways that it has made me feel

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like an epic piece of shit and very small and very ineffective and

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like a failure in all ways. So, so, so many ways. But that was something

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I did to myself. It was never something that was on the other side of

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that equation. There was never anybody else making me feel that way. That was always

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what I put on myself because I wasn't reaching this

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insurmountable level of management.

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That was just never gonna happen. And historically, there are kind

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of two responses. Well, I guess there's technically three responses. There's

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the response of somebody saying, okay, that thing you just said, I can handle

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that. Don't do that anymore. I will take that off your plate.

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That's the best of all the responses, right? There's the

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intermediate response of what can I

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help with? Which is better than a bad response.

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But they're still putting the onus on you, the emotional energy

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on you to sort through this thing,

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and that's still work. And when you're overwhelmed and you feel like you're out

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of resources, putting that work back on you to figure

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out what of these 700 things they can help you with

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can feel just as overwhelming as the 700 things.

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And so it's not the worst response. But

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I wish that we could somehow train people in their

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good intentions to help, which they should be rewarded for

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that. A blanket offer to help is sometimes not at all

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helpful. But if you come up with three things, you

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know, you call a sibling and say, I've been at the hospital with dad for

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three weeks. I'm burned out. I can't do it anymore. And they say,

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okay, well, I can either come for the weekend or I can

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come in one week. We have a family member. Let me call them

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and see if they can come and relieve you for a bit, and then I'll

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be there next week. Like, options, Concrete, tangible

Speaker:

options, great. But, oh, I'm. Listen, I didn't know you

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were struggling. That's good. I really want to help. Also good.

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What can I do for somebody that's drowning?

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That's not always the right answer, but it's a better answer than the

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last option, which is, well, if you didn't want to handle it all, maybe

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you shouldn't act like you have all your stuff together. Blah, blah. Okay? If anybody

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reacts to you that way, and the only way I bring it up is because

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I've seen that before, thankfully not directed toward me, but I'VE seen that before. Tell

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that person to fuck off. Get bent. You don't want their help, they

Speaker:

will make things worse and find another solution. There's another solution out there. But

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somebody who will make your stress and your

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overwhelm about them and become defensive

Speaker:

about it is not somebody who's helping you. Okay. But it starts

Speaker:

with a very simple conversation. I'm really overwhelmed by what's

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happening and I. I can't be the one who's responsible for

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everything. What can you take off my plate? I know

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historically I've done this. It is not working for me right now. What can you

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take off my plate? And the response to that will be positive more times

Speaker:

than not. Especially if this is a close family and they love you and they

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just don't realize that if you haven't complained before, they don't have any

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reason to believe that this time is any different. But it's different. And

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that's okay. Things change. People change. The amount

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of stress and burden that you can handle changes. And

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this is one of those times to ask for help. And odds are

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the people around you are so impressed with your ability to handle so much

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that it has never occurred to them that you might need help too.

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And that's because you do a really, really good job of being a

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badass all the time. And it's one of the reasons why I always tell people

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to check on your strong friends because they are not going to tell

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you when the sky is falling in. And the number of times that I have

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found that somebody who I thought had all of their shit together was

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as big a disaster as I am and needed help and

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was just too scared to tell anybody is more times than I could

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easily recollect. It happens all the time. You are the

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strong friend in this case. You're the strong family member. You're the one they don't

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worry about. They don't need to worry about you, but they do need to help

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you. But they will not know to start that until you make it

Speaker:

clear. And you have to give them the opportunity to give you the

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answer that you don't want. You have to get over your own ego

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that says you can do it all because you always do it all. And you

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have to be willing for. Willing to experience some sort of rejection. But I

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would bet dollars to donuts that it's not going to happen.

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Also, I know I now want donuts.

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Thanks for being here, guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mina

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And I thought now that we're on the other. Nope I

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don't want to say that. Nope. Not going to tempt the wrath of whatever.

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About the Podcast

Different, Not Broken
You’ve spent your whole life feeling like something’s wrong with you. Here’s a radical thought: what if you’re not broken - just different?

Welcome to Different, Not Broken, the no-filter, emotionally intelligent, occasionally sweary podcast that challenges the idea that we all have to fit inside neat little boxes to be acceptable. Hosted by L2 (aka Lauren Howard), this show dives into the real, raw and ridiculous sides of being neurodivergent, introverted, chronically underestimated - and still completely worthy.

Expect deeply honest conversations about identity, neurodivergence, gender, work, grief, anxiety and everything in between.

There’ll be tears, dead dad jokes, side quests, and a whole lot of swearing.

If you are tired of pretending to be someone you’re not, this space is for you.

Come for the chaos.
Stay for the catharsis.
Linger for the dead Dad jokes.